


The Weight of Loneliness

by servecobwebheadaches



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anal Sex, Belly Kink, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Split, Weight Gain, feederism, married!ryden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 19:33:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14432589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/servecobwebheadaches/pseuds/servecobwebheadaches
Summary: When Ryan has to go on tour for six months, he spends the whole time eager to return home to the love of his life.  He doesn't expect such a soft surprise when he gets home, but he certainly isn't complaining.





	The Weight of Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in two days based on a prompt that had been sitting in my ask box forever on tumblr, it's not very refined so I apologize. I would love to hear what you think!!!

Ryan hasn’t been home in almost six months. A full North American tour, then Europe, then a “world tour” where he played the states and Europe again, then some cities across Asia and down to Australia.  Not only is he exhausted, he misses Brendon so much it makes him feel sick if he thinks about it too much. This has been the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other since the day they met, let alone gotten married. Ryan doesn’t know how much longer he can take it.

 

He can’t help but be a little concerned about his boy at home, too.  A couple months ago when he had almost a full week off in New York City, Brendon wouldn’t even let him FaceTime.  Based on the good morning texts he receives from Brendon everyday, he’s been sleeping in later and later every week.  The last time they talked, Brendon said he was inconsolably lonely without Ryan, and had found some ‘unconventional’ methods to comfort himself. Ryan can only pray he didn’t mean drugs or excessive drinking.

 

The only solace for Ryan in this trying time is being left alone with his fantasies about Brendon. Ryan’s always too distracted by how naturally gorgeous Brendon is when they’re together to delve into thoughts of his biggest fantasy—Brendon gaining weight. His head spins when he thinks about Brendon with softer, wider hips, a round belly, chubby cheeks . . . Or being the one to feed him to get him to that point.

 

Ryan would absolutely never tell Brendon any of this, though.  Brendon’s perfect for him as he is, all lithe and toned from being so active.  The only remotely plump part of him are his ass and thighs, but even those are firm with muscle.  Ryan admittedly does fixate on these areas, but, hey, who wouldn’t? The flare of his hips only makes him more desirable.

 

<<<<<>>>>>

 

“Ryan, baby, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to pick you up from the airport,” Brendon says.  Ryan’s heart beats a little faster, just hearing his voice through the phone. He’s so close to being home, as he’s waiting for his luggage in baggage claim, Brendon’s words barely even faze him.

 

“That’s alright, I’ll take a cab,” Ryan says, balancing his phone between his shoulder and ear as he grabs his two bags.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see you soon,” Brendon replies, but Ryan picks up on some difference in his voice, some sort of distorted muffling, before he registers what it is.

 

“Are you  _ eating _ something right now?” Ryan asks, and he recoils at how irritated he sounds, when it’s not how he’s feeling at all.

 

“Y-yeah, sorry, I’m just hungry,” Brendon stutters out.

 

“It’s okay. It’s fine. I love you so much,” Ryan says.

 

“I love you, too,” Brendon giggles.  Ryan’s heart melts.

 

Ryan jogs to hail a cab and tells the driver that, yes, he is in a hurry to get home.  Before getting out, he leaves a nice tip, and promptly makes a beeline for his front door.

 

The house is dark and quiet compared to what Ryan’s expecting upon walking in.  He slips off his shoes in the entry room and drops his bags, tossing his keys off to the side.  “B?” He calls.

 

“In the living room,” Brendon calls back, and Ryan knows something’s up, just from the lack of Brendon greeting him at the door.

 

He passes through the kitchen, which is spotlessly clean, and on into the living room to see his husband for the first time in six months.

 

Ryan’s mouth goes dry, and he feels like he may just faint.

 

Brendon’s sprawled across the couch, leaning back to tip the last of a family sized bag of M&Ms into his mouth.  His chin wobbles slightly as he does so—his  _ double chin _ —and he’s got a hand pressed to his midsection, which is bulging out of his shirt.  Ryan’s sure his mind is playing tricks on him. There’s no way that the t-shirt Brendon’s wearing, one that Ryan recognizes from his own wardrobe, is too small and bursting at the seams around Brendon’s figure.  It should fit him perfectly, cover his midriff by far, but that’s not the case anymore.

 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Ryan greets.  He barely manages to get the words out, speechless at the sight of Brendon before him.

 

Brendon licks his lips and gives him a big smile, lighting up his whole face.  His cheeks are squeezable and Ryan can barely see any hint of his jawline. “Welcome home,” Brendon says, and pushes himself up slightly.  With his movement, Ryan’s eyes are quickly drawn to where Brendon’s hand never leaves his belly. Brendon makes this little groaning noise with a deep exhale, and says, “I’m  _ really _ full.  Will you help me up?”

 

Ryan’s weak at the knees, but does as Brendon asks.  As he stands, his shirt doesn’t fall far enough to cover his belly button, leaving soft, doughy pudge peeking out and over the waistband of his sweatpants—which, as Ryan looks him up and down, are skin tight around his thighs. Ryan can only imagine how his ass looks, squeezed into those sweatpants that were tantalizing before Ryan left for tour.

 

When Ryan tips his head down to meet Brendon’s lips for a kiss, Ryan’s able to feel how yielding and warm Brendon’s belly is pressed against him.  His fingers itch to grab at Brendon’s middle, caught up in the thought of how it would feel to sink his hands in Brendon’s sides, his hips must feel so soft . . . But Ryan resists.  He doesn’t think he should act any different than he normally would with Brendon, that he shouldn’t even acknowledge Brendon’s apparent weight gain. The last thing he’d ever want to do is hurt Brendon’s feelings or make him feel bad about himself.

 

Instead, he cradles the back of Brendon’s head in his hands and rests their foreheads together.  “I missed you so much,” he breathes.

 

Brendon hasn’t really stopped smiling since he saw Ryan, even when they were kissing, and says, “I missed you more.”

 

Ryan kisses him again, and Brendon kisses deeper, licking into his mouth. He tastes like chocolate. Still not fully processing that his husband gained a significant amount of weight while he was gone, Ryan acts out of habit for when Brendon kisses him this fiercely—he reaches down and grabs Brendon’s ass.  Brendon whimpers at the feeling, and Ryan gets dangerously close to doing the same. He’s used to his hands perfectly cupping Brendon’s ass, his cheeks fitting snugly in his palm, but now Ryan can grab handfuls, and the act of being able to knead his flesh is far too arousing to him. After only a few moments of indulging himself, he pulls back, not wanting to get too carried away in feeling Brendon up.

 

It’s a big challenge to keep his hands to himself.

 

There are two empty pizza boxes on the coffee table, and the rest of the piece of furniture is littered with wrappers from either muffins or cupcakes.  Ryan asks, “Did you have someone over?” But he thinks he already knows the answer, already knows in the back of his mind that all that food is the reason Brendon claimed to be so full, that he must have just been sitting here gorging himself before Ryan arrived.

 

“Nope,” Brendon answers, “just me.”  He walks over to the table as if he were to start cleaning up, and Ryan’s eyes are naturally drawn to his belly.  It actually jiggles slightly when he moves. So hot. Ryan’s heart races.

 

Brendon stops upon catching Ryan staring, and Ryan blushes.  His eyes move up too slowly in order to meet Brendon’s, but he finds Brendon smirking at him.  “Like what you see?” Brendon says. His demeanor is too arrogant, too knowing, Ryan wonders if his attraction to Brendon’s added weight is really  _ that _ obvious.

 

Ryan gulps as Brendon moves closer to him.  Ryan should say something, give some clever retort to Brendon as he normally would, but all he can do is wrack his brain, trying to figure out how Brendon would know Ryan wants him on the chubbier side.  All his thoughts cease, though, when Brendon brings a hand down to cup the bulge in Ryan’s pants. “Let’s take this to bed. I haven’t been properly fucked in months,” Brendon says.

 

For some reason, Ryan’s nervous.  Maybe it’s just been too long, he considers, not that the most attractive boy he’s ever seen is offering himself to him.  “I—I thought you said you were full,” Ryan says.

 

“Not too full to have sex. Yet. But you better distract me before I go eat those donuts in the fridge. They’re really calling my name right now.”

 

Ryan’s head fills with images of Brendon stuffing his face with donuts, and his cock throbs.  He even thinks of hand-feeding Brendon while he fucks him, keeping his mouth and belly full the whole time.  “Afterwards,” he says, looking down at Brendon’s hand on his crotch, and back up to the expectant look on his face.

 

Ryan places a hand on Brendon’s ass to steer them both to their bedroom, and he squeezes it a couple times to watch Brendon shudder.  He can’t wait to get him naked. When in their bedroom, Brendon kisses him again, fingers coming up to fumble with the buttons on Ryan’s shirt.  Ryan helps him, quickly removing his own clothes to move onto the real treat of getting Brendon undressed.

 

Brendon raises his arms to allow Ryan to remove his shirt, and Ryan’s hands brush the round protrusion of Brendon’s belly in doing so.  He only catches a short glimpse of Brendon’s exposed torso before Brendon’s kissing him again, and Ryan can’t believe what his eyes are telling him.  There’s no way Brendon’s got a gut and love handles that push out over the waistband of his pants, making him look so swollen. It’s impossible. He was so trim and lean before, but now . . .

 

Ryan has no time to finish the thought, as Brendon is pushing him back on the bed.  “I want to ride you,” Brendon says, and Ryan nods. His brain is numb with arousal. Ryan stares, hypnotized, at Brendon’s belly wobbling as he squirms out of his pants.  His thighs jiggle with every movement he makes, Ryan can see, now that’s he’s naked.

 

When Brendon sits in Ryan’s lap, facing him, Ryan can’t recall a time when he’d been more turned on.  Ryan wants him so bad. “I already prepped myself for you, baby,” Brendon breathes.

 

“Good,” Ryan replies.  He reaches out to hold Brendon’s hips, and his eyes roll back in his head from that alone.  Brendon’s so soft and plush now, where Ryan used to be able to feel his bones, down to the day before he left.  For the most part, Brendon’s maintained his hourglass figure—it’s just exaggerated now. Ryan looks up at him, taking in how while Brendon’s developed an over-fed potbelly, his hips are the widest part of him.  Ryan’s had the way that they feel under his hands memorized from before tour, so it makes it all the more obvious how much Brendon’s grown. He wonders just how many pounds Brendon had to pack on for this much weight to go to his hips, and the thought makes his cock twitch.

 

It only takes a bit of lube before Brendon’s sitting on his cock, feeling so tight and perfect around him.  Everything is intensified with Brendon’s belly pressing against Ryan’s ribcage, and the doughy flesh of Brendon’s ass spreading out over Ryan’s thighs.  Ryan groans from the feeling, so turned on by Brendon’s extra weight. Brendon begins bouncing on Ryan’s cock, and Ryan has to hold back from coming almost immediately.  His vision is hazy, but he fixates momentarily on Brendon’s chest, swelled out into two little mounds of fat, shaking as Brendon fucks himself on Ryan’s cock. Ryan’s tempted to reach up and grope at them, knead them in his hands and tease Brendon’s sensitive nipples, but Brendon stops abruptly.

 

Ryan looks up to see Brendon’s face red from exertion.  It can’t have been more than a couple minutes. He’s breathing heavily, panting, gasping for air as if he had just ran five miles.  “Oh, god,” Brendon gasps, “I’ve gotten so out of shape without you, babe.”

 

At that statement, Ryan needs a moment to compose himself before the moment ends too soon.  “You don’t have to work so hard, sweetheart,” Ryan says, his voice hoarse. He gently pushes Brendon to lay back down, resting a hand on his belly—it’s too tempting and perfect for Ryan to keep his hands away.  Brendon follows Ryan’s guidance, and leans back against the pillows. His chub keeps jiggling for a moment after he does so, chest rising and falling as he tries to catch his breath. “Just relax and let me do the hard work,” Ryan says.

 

Ryan proceeds to fuck him, gripping his thighs, so pillowy and soft.  The sound of Brendon’s moans on top of everything else push Ryan closer and closer to the edge.  Brendon keeps whining Ryan’s name, but it’s when he pants out the statement, “Oh, Ryan, you’re filling me up so good,” that Ryan can’t take it anymore.

 

“B, I’m gonna come,” Ryan warns, and he promptly does so, cock pulsing as he comes in Brendon’s ass.

 

Brendon lets out a desperate moan at the feeling, and Ryan immediately reaches down to wrap a hand around Brendon’s cock.  He wants Brendon to come as quickly as Ryan can make him, now. Ryan gets his wish; Brendon comes a few seconds later, panting and whining until his orgasm is over, then just panting.

 

Ryan pulls out and lays beside him.  “Are you alright?” He asks Brendon, who is laying there, limp and breathless.

 

“Amazing,” Brendon says.

 

“I missed you,” Ryan repeats.

 

“I missed you, too.”

 

Without hesitation, Ryan gets up to grab a warm washcloth for Brendon, to clean him up.  There’s come all over Brendon’s belly, and Ryan relishes in having an excuse to lavish that area of his body with attention.  There’s such a give under Ryan’s fingers when he touches him now, Brendon’s belly so abundant and softened. When he’s done, Ryan can’t help himself—he kisses Brendon’s round tummy and pats it, watching it jiggle afterwards.  Brendon smiles and sighs in a way Ryan recognizes as contentment.

 

Ryan always tends to be extremely affectionate after sex with Brendon, but especially now, after being away for so long and coming home to what he thinks is such a pleasant surprise.  “Is there anything you need, baby boy?” Ryan says.

 

“Mm, I’m kinda hungry,” Brendon answers, not moving an inch.

 

“Perfect,” Ryan grins.  “Why don’t we go take a shower and get all dressed up, and I’ll take you out for a nice dinner?  It’s been over six months since we went on a date, you know.”

 

Brendon pushes himself up, and Ryan’s eyes flick to where a roll forms in Brendon’s middle.  “Dinner sounds good, but there’s just a little problem,” Brendon says, as he stands. He faces Ryan as he pulls on his sweatpants, thighs swaying before getting packed in the fabric.  “A couple problems, actually,” Brendon says.

 

Ryan frowns.  “What is it?”

 

“First of all, you promised me donuts after sex, which I’m going to go eat right now,” Brendon replies.

 

Ryan rises to follow Brendon out of the room, grabbing a pair of boxers along the way. “Second issue?” Ryan asks, on their way to the kitchen.

 

“The  _ big _ issue is that none of my clothes really fit me anymore,” Brendon says, pulling a large white box out of the fridge.

 

“N-none of your clothes fit you anymore?” Ryan says back, brain in a little bit of shock.

 

“Nope, nothing acceptable to wear in public, anyway.”

 

“You haven’t gone shopping?” Ryan asks, almost incredulous.

 

“No, I don’t have anything I can wear out.”

 

“How long has it been?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, a couple weeks.”

 

“So you’ve just . . . stayed home?” Ryan says, trying to process.

 

“Mm hmm.  I liked it.  I missed you, though.”  Brendon opens the box of donuts on the counter, and looks down at the pastries with longing.  “Besides, there’s really only one thing to do when you get too fat for all your clothes,” Brendon says, picking up a chocolate frosted donut.

 

“And what’s that?” Ryan asks, feigning innocent curiosity, as if Brendon’s words don’t send a shiver up his spine.

 

“Put on a pair of stretchy pants and—” Brendon takes an indulgent bite of the donut in his hand—“binge.”  He grabs his belly with one hand and gives it a shake, as if to prove his point. Ryan’s weak at the knees.

 

“Is—is that what you’ve been doing?” Ryan stutters out.  “Since I left?”

 

Brendon nods.  “It just feels so good to eat all day, baby, and not have to go anywhere.  As soon as I had an excuse to let myself go, I did it.”

 

“And what was that excuse?” Ryan asks, stepping closer to Brendon.

 

“I was looking around on your laptop for a demo the day after you left and I . . . found some stuff,” Brendon says.

 

Ryan’s eyes go wide, and it hits him like a freight train.  Brendon must have found and known all of his fantasies about him gaining weight.  “What stuff?” Ryan gulps.

 

“At first, it was just some porn, just some fat little twink getting fucked.  Then I found all the stories about gaining weight and feeding and stuffing you’d ever looked at, then I found your diary of personal fantasies about me, and, well, I was intrigued.”

 

Ryan’s mortified, but Brendon seems nonchalant.  “B, I never wanted you too see any of that, you know how beautiful I always think you are, I would never ask you to change yourself for me.”

 

“Well, I thought it would be nice to put on a little weight for you before you got home, or at least try out this kink a little bit, but I got kinda carried away,” Brendon says, biting his lip.

 

“You got carried away?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, I tried to stuff myself for the first time, and I was hooked.  It was rewarding to finish a lot of food, and I liked having a big round belly afterwards.”

 

“You’re serious?” Ryan asks.

 

“It felt so nice to order delivery everyday and stuff myself more and more.  I didn’t really realize how much weight I was putting on until none of my pants would zip up and my shirts all seemed too short.  Even that was satisfying, though, and just made me want to eat more.”

 

“So you’ve been enjoying yourself? I’m glad,” Ryan says.

 

“There’s only been one thing missing, and it was you.  I’ve been waiting for you to come home and take care of me.  I was hoping I could surprise you, and that you’d help feed me even fatter once you saw me.”

 

Ryan’s speechless, and turned on again.  “You want to gain even more?”

 

“As long as you’ll help me.  I want you to be my feeder.”

 

“Are you sure, B?  You don’t have to do this for me, I’m happy with you no matter what.”

 

“I’m sure.  I know this is what I want, what I’m supposed to do.  I just want to be fed, and get as fat as you want me. Please, Ryan.”

 

Ryan’s only human, and there’s no way he could protest that, or even dream of denying Brendon that request.  “Let’s take these donuts back to bed, then, and we can get started. You’re far too thin, but these will work wonders for your waistline . . .”

 

In bed, Brendon leans back for Ryan to hand feed him. There’s a dozen donuts for Brendon to finish, and by the time they get to the last one, they’re both hard and leaking.  Brendon’s belly is stuffed and distended, and Ryan rubs it for comfort. Brendon keens. With half of the last donut left, Brendon groans, “I’m so full, I can’t eat another bite.”

 

“Just a little more, sweetheart,” Ryan coaxes, and Brendon willingly opens his mouth for Ryan to shove the last of the pastry in.  “Good boy,” Ryan praises, patting Brendon’s belly.

 

“I’ve never been this full in my life.  I could never do this on my own,” Brendon says.

 

Ryan soothingly rubs his belly.  “I haven’t even ordered your dinner yet,” Ryan says.  “I’m going to get you lasagna from that Italian place.  Your favorite.”

 

“Oh, you know I can’t resist that.  I’m too full . . .”

 

“If you’re really full, you won’t eat any.  But we’ll see how much control you really have around food.  I think you’ll be good and eat it all for me, though.”

 

Brendon moans.  “I’m going to turn into a blimp with you home, aren’t I?  Just look at me. I’m fatter already.”

 

“That’s the plan,” Ryan says, and wonders how he got so lucky to have this beautiful, growing boy asking him to plump him up.  He’s so in love, and thinks of buying Brendon a wedding ring in the next size up for him to grow into. Everything Ryan buys Brendon in the future will have to be bigger, and Ryan loves that idea.

  
  



End file.
